it's been quite a long rocky road that i have taken before eventually coming into terms and totally accepting my gender preference. i have always thought that it's just because someone broke my heart long time ago that's why i became "like this". wayback in highschool, i court girls and make fun of the awkward situation that i actually have a girlfriend. the mere fact that i was a bit kikay during high school but i ended up becoming a self confessed monogamous bi-sexual brings shivers down my spine. it's like children stories gone wild.. (huh...?)

nah, forget i said that..

anyway, lately, i have been reading a lot.. and bit by bit i start to feel that this is not a coincidence.. this is not what i have planned.. and this is definitely not what i have wished for to happen in my life.. but it just happened.. like, like, like you know.. like it's something written in the star.. (cliche?) it feels heavenly to finally accept the fact that i fell in love with a woman, thus, i am NOT STRAIGHT..

okay, i've said it.. i am not straight.. i dont know how it happened.. maybe because she is so good, so lovely and caring..

but what the heck--- i also like other women.. when i see sexy ladies with an ooomMpppphhh.. yeah.. with an ooomMpppphhh, i can feel that there is some kind of an unfamiliar reaction inside me that makes me feel arou~... now, that's censored.. but yeah, it's true.. i can't help but stare, look, stare, look and look again.

i like sporty and tomboyish women. women who appreciate art whether it's an abstract or a doodle. i love art.. so women who wants to go with me should love the same thing (now, that's a tip.)

i have a few celebrity crushes: Daniela Sea, Katherine Moennig and Jessica Alba.. notice that two of them have recently played as lesbians in an English tv series. i dont know but it kind of made me like them. specialy Daniela (and oh, the mirror episode.)

what's so good about coming out is that you will feel that you are a complete person. you will know that you are already the true you. hiding inside the ever dreaded closet will not help because it will only make you feel like you are playing a character in a movie, someone who is so unlike yourself.

it's hard to come into terms with the truth yourself, but what's harder still, is to actually make the parents accept you for who you are or what you have become (please understand that they might go thru a nervous breakdown upon learning for the first time that what they have brought up as for example, a boy, grew up as a lady or vice cersa.)

it's like cancer (see if i could still remember what i have learned in high school. thanks to Mrs. Yap, cheers!)::

you have to go thru:

1.) Denial- you cannot understand why the heck you have to fall in love with people of your same gender and you begin to dress up like your opposite sex.

2.) Understanding- at this stage you already begin to learn what phase in life you are going thru, what the consequences are or why the heck you are wearing your sister's lingerie with all your awful and gross muscles here and there.

3.) Acceptance- this is the stage when you finally enjoy being your new self. you start shaving all visible body hair and start growing the hair which you are not supposed to be growing, it's not what you are thinking.. you also start buying things that people with the same gender as yourself are not supposed to be buying. you are already on the verge of deciding if you want to have a sex change or not but realized that either way, you don't really have that much money to go thru the operation.

4.) [this is an addition] Revelation- this is the stage when, you so much have already accepted yourself that you are now coming out of the shell and flaunting your newfound gender to everyone. this is also the stage when you now tell your parents about your self or you just let them feel you are now a different person.

5.) Death (note: this is optional)- you either get killed by your parents or by a crazy mob of men after you enter a men's restroom while wearing a skirt, alternatively, you kill yourself after having been humiliated by the fact that you still look more femme than your girlfriend after overdosing yourself w/ testosteron pills.. that alone could actually kill you..

usually, we become a more apologetic person. we appreciate life more than before after coming out. some people though think that this is a curse. as far as i know or feel or atleast base on my instinct, this is a gift from God. God created only man and woman or Adam and Eve, but then there sprout gays and lesbians.. and transgender, bisexual, queer and intersex or just plainly open-ended. this is not a curse or whatsoever, instead, this is how the beauty that God made had flourished and turned into more valuable gift that no straight man or woman can ever compare. God is also gay, a lesbian, could be queer sometimes, may be a transgender or intersex but one thing is for sure, God is bi-sexual. no one should actually call him He or She because no one ever actually know what God's real gender is. If anyone calls God a Him, whoever that is, that's DISCRIMINATION.

enough of this Religion Lesson about God's gender.

i feel that my transformation is something that can be called a big change in my life. this is something that has changed my whole peronality, my attitude towards life itself and all of the things that are dear to me, i feel that i have appreciated them more than i do before. i am happy with my new self, i am happy that i have come out and that i have discovered the joy of being the true me. my family may have not totally accepted me yet but i know in time that they will feel that deep inside them, they are also LGBTQI.. yeah.. they are.. and they will be happy to know and accept it too.

better be, if not, ill have a mob of angry LGBTQI come running after them.

that's it for now. i am happy sharing thoughts with you. i hope you'll leave a comment upon reading my blog.

let's all COME OUT!!